


Nocturnal Shoppers

by Katsudon_fatale



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mention of Cannibalism, Mention of Kidnapping, Viktuuri meetweird, but it is not particularly gory or smutty in anyway, mention of arson, mention of condoms, supermarket au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 09:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11377827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katsudon_fatale/pseuds/Katsudon_fatale
Summary: Victor loves to make questionable purchases in odd hours. Yuuri draws spectacular conclusions.~‘Who the hell would drive out to a supermarket in the middle of the night to buy a recipe book because it was urgent? And he didn’t buy any meat or any ingredients. Just the book.’Phichit shrugged. ‘A paperweight? An impulse shop?’Yuuri smoothed his hair away from his face with frustration. He didn’t think Phichit was taking it seriously enough. ‘Who would impulse shop in our miserable book section at 1 am?’





	Nocturnal Shoppers

It was just past midnight. The store was quiet (as it always was at that time), and Yuuri was resisting the urge to fall asleep. Because of that, he didn’t notice the man until he had finished putting all his purchases on the conveyor belt.

 

Looking up and ready to mumble a ‘sorry to keep you waiting’ out of reflex, Yuuri’s face flushed a little when he saw the handsome silver-haired man standing right in front of him.

 

‘Uh…’ Yuuri had got tongue tied. The shopper had blue eyes that were just inviting Yuuri to get lost in, and they were currently regarding Yuuri with mild amusement. Avoiding his gaze, Yuuri decided to focus on his work before he embarrassed himself.

 

His first scan was a bag of zip ties. Nothing unusual there.

 

The next scan was a piece of 100 feet of climbing rope. This was a bit odd. Yuuri didn’t even know why they bothered stocking things like this, especially since there were specialised stores selling outdoor equipment not too far away, and with far more options.

 

The third scan was a roll of heavy duty duct tape. Yuuri’s mind, on its own accord, jumped to an image of someone tied up with ropes, their hands bound with zip ties and their mouth covered with a piece of duct tape, like what he saw in movies. This was ridiculous of course, because he wasn't living in the _Taken_ franchise, and Yuuri scolded himself for being silly.

 

Duct tape was versatile of course. Phichit had even shown him videos of people making wallets out of them. However, the man didn’t seem to be someone who would use a wallet made out of black duct tape. In fact, designer brands seemed to be more his kind of thing.

 

He chanced a glance at the customer, wondering if he might come forth with an explanation, or at least to make sure the he hadn’t brandished a knife towards him when Yuuri wasn’t looking.

 

Seemingly oblivious to Yuuri’s thoughts, the man just smiled brightly when he saw Yuuri looking and waved at him. He looked far too cheerful to be some sadistic criminal, which ought to set Yuuri’s mind at ease, but in fact only served to make him more suspicious.

 

‘It would be $15 dollars,’ Yuuri said and the man produced the necessary cash readily.

 

‘Going camping?’ Yuuri asked lightly, partly out of curiosity and partly wishing to lay his ludicrous suspicions to rest, as the cash register noisily printed out the receipt and several vouchers on printer cartridges that nobody ever used.

 

‘Oh no! Just a small business to take care of, that’s all,’ the shopper replied.

 

‘I see,’ Yuuri nodded dubiously when no further explanation came. ‘A small business’ sounded quite evasive and ominous, despite Yuuri trying not to make a big deal out of things. ‘Here’s your receipt and change.’

 

‘Thank you very much,’ the man replied with a smile before heading out the door. Yuuri caught himself smiling fondly in return and cursed his weakness for gorgeous men who might or might not abduct people as a hobby.

 

Yuuri shook his head. He should probably stay away from Dorothy Sayers novels for a while. They were giving him the jitters and making him paranoid.

 

* * *

 

Victor decided that shopping in an actual supermarket wasn’t that bad.

 

He had always preferred to do his shopping online, it was much more convenient, and he could avoid the shopping crowd. He seldom went to his local supermarket now, except for emergency visits to buy odds and ends that he always forgot about until the very moment he needed them.

 

It was alright, really. The store was essentially empty during midnight and he could do his shopping in peace. It was also surprisingly well-stocked, though a bit difficult to navigate.

 

The cute cashier was another plus, of course. His complexion looked slightly washed out under the white light shining from the ceiling, but his pink cheeks lent his face a bit of colour. He also had wonderful eyes. Brown and bright, like pools of molten chocolate.

 

When Victor got home, he immediately took to tying various electrical cables together with the zip ties before taping them away from the sight and paws of Makkachin, using the duct tape he just brought. He had been meaning to do this for a while now, Makkachin having suddenly developed a habit of chewing the life out of every single cable he had, but he always forgot to buy the necessary items every time he made his weekly delivery order. When he saw those items in the supermarket tonight, he decided he might as well bought them, before he inevitably forgot again.

 

The phone rang and Victor took a break from his task. Sitting on the sofa with Makkachin sprawled across his lap, he answered the call.

 

‘Hey Mila. Yeah, I found the ropes in the end… Can’t believe you forgot to buy them until the night before your camping trip. You can never call me forgetful again… It’s no trouble. It is the only store nearby that is still open at this hour that sells climbing ropes after all, and I am happy to help... Yeah, you can come right now. I will be up for a while… No worries, really. See you.’

 

Victor’s mind wandered back to the cashier again as he waited for Mila to come by. He wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

 

‘Going camping?’ He had asked, and Victor took this to mean that the man wasn’t terribly against talking with him, which was a small victory.

 

He happily concluded that everything went swimmingly and that he made a rather good impression that night.

 

* * *

 

The next time the need to go to a supermarket in the middle of the night arose, Victor was drinking with Chris at the latter’s house. He had gone out into the night less reluctantly than he would have been, hoping for a chance to see the cashier again.

 

At half-past two in the morning, he was standing in the same lane again as last time, waiting as Yuuri (he had to look quite closely to read his name, the name tag being so tiny) rang up his items.

 

A box of matches. A jar of lighter fluid. An A5 sized card. It had a bouquet of white lilies against a grey background, and the words ‘Our Dearest Sympathies’ written on it in cursive.

 

‘Starting a fire?’ Yuuri joked as he put the matches and lighter fluid in a plastic bag.

 

‘Not at my house,’ Victor replied casually. ‘All of these, it’s for a friend of mine,’ he gave his most winning smile and waited for Yuuri to reply, but he stayed silent. Victor’s smile hovered, uncertain but stubborn on his face, as the silence between them stretched out.

 

(What Victor didn’t know was that Yuuri wasn’t completely joking. And that he had been smiling for far too long.)

 

‘That will be fifteen dollars please,’ Yuuri said stiffly after a while, and Victor quietly handed over the money. Of course, cashiers probably had loads of people starting conversations with them every day, and his attention was probably unwelcome. Victor didn’t say anything else as he took his receipt and shopping besides a little ‘thank you’.

 

It was a shame Yuuri wasn’t interested, but Victor could understand. After all, there was no telling the kind of creeps and weirdos a shop assistant may encounter when working in a supermarket.

 

* * *

 

‘What took you soooooooo long? I am starving,’ Christophe slurred as he opened the door to let Victor in.

 

‘All the greeting cards in that store was horrid, and I had to spend 10 minutes just to decide on a most decent one. You still haven’t told me who died,’ Victor questioned as he held the card out for Chris’s inspection, who nodded his approval sombrely.

 

‘Aragon died today. He was a spider who had lived in my backyard for a month,’ Chris started getting weepy. ‘I know our time together was brief, but we had a real kinship, and I would like a card to remember him by.’

 

‘Aragon? Shouldn’t it be Aragog?’ Victor asked amusedly, but Chris either didn’t hear or was too drunk to understand the question.

 

Shrugging, Victor found a pen and scribbled ‘Chris, you have my dearest ~~sym~~ _silk_ pathy on the demise of Arago ~~g~~ n. Just as they had _weaved_ in your house for a month, so would they live in your heart forever. Victor.’

 

Chris had a tendency to get emotional when drunk on Russian vodka, and he had cried over something smaller than a dead spider in the past. Victor knew him well enough to know that the sadness would wear off and that he would appreciate the puns when he became sober in the morning.

 

Aside from being an emotional drunk, Chris was also a hungry drunk who had very specific and completely arbitrary food cravings. This time, Chris decided, in his infinite wisdom bolstered via consumption of a generous amount of alcohol, that they should honour Aragon by having authentic s’mores, made over an actual fire.

 

Victor knew better than to argue with a drunk Chris, which was why he had dutifully gone out during the middle of the night for lighter fluid and matches. Being the soberer out of the two (it normally wouldn’t mean much, except Victor had laid off alcohol very early on that night), Victor was tasked with starting a fire in the backyard. After arranging a pile of fuel and newspaper, he poured a little lighter fluid on top before lighting the kindling with the matches.

 

Chris, meanwhile, had procured pitchforks and all the necessary s’mores ingredients and a few other miscellaneous snacks. With the fire burning cheerfully and, Victor was relieved to say, safely, they worked their way through the food in silence, chatting intermittently until the fired died down.

 

* * *

 

‘Not at my house,’ the stranger had said. This, combined with his Cheshire cat smile after saying that, set off different possibilities in Yuuri’s mind. Arson. Destroying criminal evidence.

 

Yuuri thought about the imagined person he believed Victor had kidnapped with his rope, duct tape and zip ties. Corpse burning perhaps? When the victim had become too much of a nuisance.

 

Buying lighter fluid and matches were not unusual. Campers bought them all the time, except the man didn’t look much like a camper. Also, why would anyone go to a supermarket at two in the morning for camping stuff?

 

The good news was that if the police ever turned up asking after a possible kidnapper with a tendency to set things on fire, Yuuri could describe the appearance of the man down to a tee, and supply that he had a slight (and frustratingly gorgeous) Russian accent.

 

It was nothing personal, of course. Yuuri remembered all that simply because he took his citizenship duties _very_ seriously.

 

With no strange disappearances or unexplained fire outbreaks depicted in the newspapers, Yuuri was ready to forget about his suspicions and put his overly fertile imaginations to rest, when the stranger turned up again in the dead of night.

 

Two suspicious midnight supermarket excursions might be a coincidence, but three would be a stretch.

 

Yuuri looked down at the conveyor belt, polite disinterest on his face while a chill crept up his spine. A set of kitchen knives. A recipe book titled ‘Calia Bannim’s Recipes for Carnivores for ALL Kinds of Meats’. A 50% off Hannibal DVD set.

 

In front of him, the man was looking and smiling brightly at him like he wanted to eat him, and not in the way Yuuri would like. Not that he would like it either way now, since the purchases showed that the man might very well be a closet cannibal.

 

Looking straight down at his station, he tried to look as nonchalant and capable and definitely-not-a-tasty-victim as possible as he scanned and bagged the items. The man paid with cash again (he never paid with a card, which, come to think of it, was suspicious in itself). Yuuri handed him the receipt and vouchers (buy one full-sized fridge and get another one half priced!). He waited for the man to leave, ready to congratulate himself on not getting murder by attractive customers and…

 

The man was still there.

 

‘Excuse me, but do you think you can help me take the bag to my car?’ The deep baritone voice asked.

 

Cashiers are generally happy to help with bags when customers ask nicely, and Yuuri always tried to help elderly customers with their bags as a rule, but never handsome strangers who may or may not be a criminal hoping to lure out kind-hearted people to kill and munch on. Besides, the bag wasn’t that heavy to begin with.

 

He looked at the stranger carefully and only then noticed that he had two large suitcases with them, partially hidden behind him. Why would he cart around two suitcases when he could put them in a car?

 

 _The better to store his chopped and quartered corpse with_ , his mind unhelpfully supplied and conjured up images of silver-haired Hannibal carefully wrapping Yuuri’s various body parts in cling film and lovingly deposited them into the empty suitcases in the dimly-lit parking lot somewhere. Yuuri gulped. For the first time, he cursed himself for eating so much katsudon, fattening himself up unknowingly all for the benefit of Mr. Hannibal.

 

‘I am sorry, sir, but I can’t go out with you, seeing as I am the only cashier working right now,’ it was not strictly true. Phichit was just at the back checking the inventory and he was always willing to take over Yuuri’s job for a while if needed. However, Yuuri was not ready to die today (despite his self-deprecating jokes on his blog). 

 

The stranger nodded, looking a bit disappointed. ‘I understand. I will see you next time then, okay? Yuuri,’ quickly brightened up again, he tilted his head to the right and winked before sauntering away with his luggage and shopping bag.

 

‘He knows my name,’ Yuuri said out loud to himself when the door closed and he heard the rumbling of a car, growing more distant until the sound dissolved into the night. Hadn’t he read somewhere that some criminals would stalk their victims extensively before murdering them?

 

Yuuri thought about his butt cheeks roasting in an oven (the skin scored and salted generously, the meat braised in a white wine and stock mixture with garlic and fennel) and saw his life flashing in front of his eyes.

 

* * *

 

‘I swear, Phichit, I am going to die.’

 

‘You are not, Yuuri,’ Phichit said reassuringly. ‘He probably has innocent explanations for everything he bought.’

 

‘It is fine if he buys a bunch of other stuff along with the duct tape and everything, but he only gets those three items every time and it is so weird!’

 

‘Well, maybe he had forgotten them and needed them urgently or something?’

 

‘Who the hell would drive out to a supermarket in the middle of the night to buy a recipe book because it was _urgent_? And he didn’t buy any meat or any ingredients. Just the book.’

 

Phichit shrugged. ‘A paperweight? An impulse shop?’

 

Yuuri smoothed his hair away from his face with frustration. He didn’t think Phichit was taking it seriously enough. ‘Who would impulse shop in our miserable book section at 1 am?’

 

‘Not everyone moving about at night are evil, Yuuri. We work night shifts and we have never been anything less than two law-abiding citizens,’ Phichit laid his right fist over his heart dramatically, as though scandalised by the very prospect of the slightest blemish on his conscience.

 

‘Actually, given that both of us have illegally downloaded music in the past…’ Yuuri retorted dryly. ‘You don’t understand, Phichit. He even knew my name.’

 

‘Well, you do wear a nametag,’ Phichit pointed out.

 

‘I know, but it is tiny! Who would even read it?’ He gestured to the name tag pinned on his work shirt. It was no larger than half of his thumb, their higher ups spending only the bare minimum on their workers’ uniform.

 

Phichit was ever so calm as he finished his water and walked around their shared flat, getting ready for work.

 

‘He was good looking as well, and his smile would be nice if it wasn’t so creepy. He was polite too. Such a shame he is probably a real-life Hannibal Lecter. They even part the hair on the same side,’ Yuuri lamented sadly and Phichit’s mouth twitched in amusement.

 

‘Tell you what, Yuuri. Next time you see this guy, let me know and I will come over. If he comes at you with a butcher knife,’ Phichit paused and considered. ‘Run, I suppose,’ he finished lamely.

 

‘Whatever shall I do without your advice?’ Yuuri sighed. ‘Come on, it’s time to go.’

 

* * *

 

 

Condoms. Extra Large. Came in packs of twenty. Three boxes.

 

Of course, Yuuri was no stranger to that particular item. Quite a few men would buy it in front of their spouses just to impress them, except they would never bother impressing the cashier when they were alone, and three boxes were overkill anyway.

 

All this went through Yuuri’s mind as he took a casual glance at the items, without barely a crack at his ‘retail face’ that he had perfected over the years. Remembering what Phichit had said, he took a box of condoms, and placing his hand over the bar code, he feigned scanning it a few times.

 

‘I am sorry, sir. It appears there is a problem with our scanner. Would you mind waiting a moment? I will ask someone for help,’ he said without waiting for a reply and took out his radio. ‘The scanner is not working. It is the same issue as before,’ nothing was malfunctioning, obviously, but Phichit understood Yuuri right away.

 

‘Okay. I will be there in a minute,’ Phichit’s voice rang out clearly from the radio and Yuuri turned it back down again.

 

It was a very large store, and the silence was long, awkward and all encompassing. Victor and Yuuri snuck fleeting glances at each other, three large boxes of condoms between them. Yuuri was about to say something, anything, just to starve off the silence when Hannibal took up his phone. Yuuri took a pen nearby and began to doodle circles on a club card promotion pamphlet to give his customer some illusion of privacy.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri initially believed that his mystery nocturnal shopper was a criminal dividing his time between indulging his pyromaniac tendencies and hanging human entrails around his house like fairy lights. Now, he believed that Hannibal also dabbled in hosting orgy parties of the most epic proportion.

 

This was what he heard.

 

‘Hey Chris. I didn’t get what you want. Too bad this was the only store opened at this time of the hour… Yeah there are about sixty of them. That should keep us up all night… No, we shouldn’t need more. I am not as young as I once was, you know,’ Yuuri almost choked.

 

Victor laughed, not noticing Yuuri’s reaction. ‘You can do whatever you like… Yeah. You, Mila, Sara, Georgi and me. Would your boyfriend be there too? Wonderful. Also, if we ask nicely Yakov may be down too. Or not, he may be too old and tired for that… Hmm. Well, it should be a riot anyway. I have to go now. My phone is dying… See you.’

 

* * *

 

 

This was what actually happened.

 

‘Hullo?’

 

‘Hey Chris. I didn’t get what you want. Too bad this was the only store opened at this time of the hour.’

 

‘No balloons? The horror. I suppose you got condoms as a substitute then?’

 

‘Yeah there are about sixty of them. That should keep us up all night.’

 

‘It should. It would be a job inflating all those without a pump. Should we get another box, do you think?’

 

‘No, we shouldn’t need more. I am not as young as I once was, you know,’

 

‘Whatever do you mean? Lilia is what, sixty? And she can inflate twenty balloons in ten minutes or something, so you have no excuses. Say, since all the condoms are drab and colourless, do you think I can doodle on them with sharpies?’

 

Victor laughed. ‘You can do whatever you like.’

 

‘And don’t worry, you won’t be the only one blowing up those condoms. We should be done in time for Yuri’s birthday tomorrow.’

 

‘Yeah. You, Mila, Sara, Georgi and me. Would your boyfriend be there too?’

 

‘He said so.’

 

‘Wonderful. Also, if we ask nicely Yakov may be down too. Or not, he may be too old and tired for that.’

 

‘Yakov went to bed just after you left, saying that he was sleepy and would leave the party preparations to us youngsters.’

 

‘Hmm. Well, it should be a riot anyway. I have to go now. My phone is dying. See you,’ Victor ended his call just as he saw a man jogging to their lane.

 

The man’s gaze turned to Victor briefly before it drifted down to the condoms, but his facial expression didn’t change. Victor supposed people bought condoms in a supermarket all the time. Yuuri, meanwhile, had gone quiet and rather red. The other shop assistant smiled and Victor had the acute feeling that he was finding something very humorous.

 

‘I am sorry to keep you waiting, sir. It is only a small issue and it shouldn’t take long to fix.’

 

‘Oh, that’s alright. Take as long as you like,’ Victor said distractedly while he looked at Yuuri. How was it legal for someone to be that adorable? He couldn’t comprehend.

 

‘Are you okay?’ He asked Yuuri kindly, who cute or not, didn’t look too comfortable right now.

 

Yuuri squeaked and nodded mutely. Victor’s heart fell a bit at his cold response. The other assistant, meanwhile, had noisily hit a few keys in the register before turning to Yuuri.

 

‘It should be working now,’ he prompted and Yuuri’s hands were immediately busy with rapidly scanning and bagging the condoms. Victor handed over his money silently and pocketed his change and receipt.

 

‘Well, good night,’ he said.

 

‘Good night!’ Phichit cheerily said. Victor waited for a reply from Yuuri, who only gave a perfunctory wave before looking away again. Victor turned away, feeling rather like Makkachin when he was ignored by Victor, and began the journey to Yuri’s house with his metaphorical tail between his legs.

 

* * *

 

 

‘I think he hates me or something,’ Victor whined, a glass of wine on his hands, and forty odd condom balloons littered around the sitting room, mostly courtesy of Lilia, who thought that the party preparations was getting on too slowly. Everyone else had sat down for a break, except for Mila, who was tying the balloons together and arranging them around the walls.

 

‘He probably just had a bad day or something,’ Sara consoled him.

 

‘Sounds like he has a bad day every time Victor is there though,’ Mila said, and Sara threw a balloon at her.

 

‘I don’t get it though. You bought sixty extra-large condoms today. If anything, he should be impressed,’ Chris came over and sat next to Victor, his arms laden with napkins and party hats.

 

Victor’s face blanched. ‘I wasn’t thinking about that at all!’ He cried in despair. ‘What if he thought that I am a sex addict? Or worse, did he think that I am trying too hard?’

 

‘If they work in a store, they probably see people buying condoms all the time,’ Mila said airily. ‘You are overthinking. What you need is to meet more people. Yuri is bringing some of his friends over tomorrow for the party. If you see some new faces, you won’t be so hung up on your surly cashier guy.’

 

‘He isn’t surly! Just… professionally apathetic,’ Victor staunchly defended Yuuri. ‘Who is Yurio bringing over?’

 

‘Yurio will freak if he hears you calling him that,' Mila reminded though she didn't seem too bothered eitherway. 'Some girl he met at the rink. I think she works there. She has three kids who are coming too. Luckily she is going to bring her husband so they should keep the kids under control between themselves.’

 

Victor wondered how meeting a woman and her married husband, as well as their three children would stop him from thinking about Yuuri, but decided that he was neither sober nor drunk enough to argue with Mila.

 

* * *

 

Yuuko was, Yuuri decided, a dangerous friend to have.

 

Not only was she born with a domineering personality, a predisposition to argue (and win) and a stubbornness that would wear down everyone’s resolve, the fact that raising the triplets had honed her skills to perfection and that she had known Yuuri long enough to not shy away from using said skills on him, meant that when Yuuko wanted to get her way, Yuuri had no choice but to comply.

 

This was why he was on his way to some random sixteen year old's birthday party, sitting in Yuuko’s car very much like a chastised kid. Seatbelt buckled in, back straight, arms folded, grim downturned mouth. The whole nine yards.

 

‘Thank you for coming, Yuuri,’ Yuuko said sweetly. ‘Takeshi has a headache and couldn’t come,’ Yuuri knew it was bullshit, since the absent husband just updated his instagram with a picture of him having greasy spoon brunch with some friends. ‘And I don’t know if I can look after Axel, Lutz and Loop all by myself.’

 

‘Who is he?’ Yuuri said sullenly. No matter how Yuuko phrased it, there was always a blind date underneath all the excuses. Yuuri had known Yuuko for too long by now to think otherwise.

 

‘Victor Nikiforov,’ Yuuko answered promptly, not bothering to keep up the façade when Yuuri didn’t. ‘He is nice. Skating Yuri said he is a “weirdo” and a “loser”, but he says that about everyone anyway. He says that about me, too.’

 

‘Really? I wonder why,’ Yuuri mumbled sarcastically and Yuuko swatted his arm playfully.

 

‘He is a good guy, really. He coaches Axel, Lutz and Loop at the skating rink, so he is not a complete stranger,’ Yuuko said. ‘Of course, it is fine if you really don’t want to go,’ her voice trailed off and Yuuri felt slightly guilty. After all, he knew Yuuko meant the best for him.

 

‘I would like to go, Yuuko. Really,’ he reassured and was gratified when Yuuko smiled a little.

 

‘At least his name is not Hannibal Lecter, right?’ Yuuri joked to put Yuuko back at ease, and it worked. Yuuko burst out in laughter, having heard from Yuuri all about the strange customer he encountered and the questionable purchases he made.

 

With both of them much more cheerful, the car sped off to the house of one Yuri Plisetsky.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor surveyed the sitting room. Overall, he thought they did a pretty good job. The condom balloons, when tied with coloured ribbons, looked much less like blown up condoms and more like actual balloons. Combined with a ‘Happy 16th Birthday’ banner and various party knickknacks carefully positioned around the room, it had turned into a fairly decent party venue.

 

There were even a few feline doodles taped to the wall, drawn by Sara, the most artistically inclined person out of them, which had Yuuri showing his approval by an impassive nod. The teenager might not show it, but Victor knew he was pleased by all the effort they had put in.

 

‘Victor. Yuuko and the triplets are here. Also, you haven’t met Yuuri, have you?’ Mila’s voice called Victor back to his surroundings. He turned to the door with a smile.

 

‘What do you mean? Yurio is literally right here…’

 

His stopped talking with a start. There, right underneath the doorway, was Cashier Yuuri, wearing jeans and a navy sweater, staring at Victor with wide eyes and opened mouth. When out of his work clothes, he seemed a bit more real and down-to-Earth somehow. He also looked a little green.

 

Victor thought he looked wonderful.

 

* * *

 

 

When Yuuri first saw Victor Nikiforov, his first thought was, ‘since when had Yuuko’s taste declined so much that she began to introduce to me criminals?’

 

His second thought was that said criminal looked devastatingly handsome wearing black trousers and a white shirt, his silver hair gleaming in the sunlight coming from the windows. Yuuri also noticed that he had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and he had very nice arms.

 

Yuuri’s third thought was… Well, it was irrelevant to the story.

 

His fourth thought was wondering if he had walked into a very elaborate trap which would end with him being lunch.

 

‘You are Hannibal Lecter.’

 

His fifth thought was, ‘shit, I said that out loud, didn’t I?’

 

* * *

 

Hannibal froze for a second before he laughed confusedly. ‘I don’t understand. My name is Victor Nikiforov,’ he came forward and extended his hand. ‘It is nice to really meet you at last.’

 

‘Yuuri Katsuki,’ Yuuri said robotically and took Victor’s hand. It was warm and was much smoother compared Yuuri’s slightly calloused ones.

 

‘Yuuri? The surly cashier?’ A man with blonde hair had come up then and was looking with interest between them.

 

‘You called me surly?’ Yuuri asked, slightly indignant.

 

‘Well, you called me Hannibal, didn’t you?’ Victor bit back just as quickly.

 

‘Hannibal? You mean the man who tried to kidnap you?’ Yuuko asked, and at her words, other people had focused their full attention on them. Yuuri glanced around. There were only six or seven strange faces, but it felt like a thousand. Yuuri looked up at Victor’s face, and saw the pleasant smile, now frozen as though to plaster over the brimming annoyance underneath.

 

‘I think… I need tea,’ Yuuri decided in the end. Tea was the answer to everything, including when the notorious criminal you imagined living in a ditch somewhere turned out to be a respectable man, who had a respectable job at a skating rink. Who you had just accused of being a kidnapper in front of all his friends. Tea really did sound good right now, the second-best option after being swallowed up by the earth.

 

Noticing Yuuri’s turmoil and embarrassment, Victor’s eyes softened, and he took pity on him. ‘I will show you the kitchen,’ Victor said more gently, and steered Yuuri out of the room. Yuuri’s mind went into hyper drive as he felt Victor’s hand hovering just a few centimeters behind his back, almost touching. For what reasons, he didnn't dare to imagine.

 

* * *

 

Three cups of tea and half an hour later, Yuuri’s mind was boggled.

 

‘S’mores and a spider? Why didn’t I think of that?’ He said in disbelief.

 

‘Well, I admit it is a bit odd, but do I honestly look like an arsonist to you?’

 

‘I was an idiot. I should have known that it would be stupid for a criminal to buy supplies with his face uncovered, in front of a witness in a store and with CCTV cameras everywhere!’ Yuuri ignored Victor’s question and rambled on.

 

Victor, taking this to mean that Yuuri didn’t think he didn’t look like an arsonist after all, chose to sip his tea in silence, mildly insulted.

 

‘And you think I am a cannibal,’ he started again after a while.

 

‘What was I supposed to think? You bought a knife set, a recipe book featuring only meat recipes (by the way, did you notice _Calia Bannim_ is an anagram for I am cannibal?) and a Hannibal DVD set. And nothing else.’

 

‘Yuuri,’ Victor laughed. ‘I bought the DVDs simply because Yurio took my old ones and never gave them back. I got knifes because I needed new knifes, and I thought I would buy them then and there, since I always forgot afterwards.’

 

‘And the book?’ Yuuri pressed.

 

‘It was just an impulse buy; the colour scheme of the spine works well with my bookshelf. I did try some of the recipes, but they were too much of a hassle. It now sits somewhere on my bookshelf, collecting dust.’

 

Yuuri sighed. Phichit was right, after all. Turned out some people did buy recipe books impulsively.

 

‘I thought… I thought you were trying to kidnap me, when you turned up with two suitcases and asking me to go to your car. Why did you walk around with suitcases anyway?’

 

‘Oh that. Georgi, the man you met just now with black hair and the eyeliner, wanted to chuck those suitcases away that morning, with all the gifts and letters from his ex, again. I decided to keep them in my place for a while in case he changed his mind, which he did quite often.

 

‘Well, he did change his mind and wanted them back the same night, and I had to drive all the way to his house to give them back. My car lock was broken (which reminds me, I still need to get them replaced). Since Georgi would definitely gut me if the cases got lost, I decided to carry them with me when shopping, just in case someone would take them from my car.’

 

‘I see,’ Yuuri said, reasoning out the sequence of events in his mind. The fact that Victor was the kind of friend who would bring his friend’s suitcases back to him during the middle of the night just because he was asked warmed Yuuri’s heart and made his stomach do funny things.

 

‘And I suppose you knew my name by reading my name tag?’ He hazarded a guess.

 

‘Well, that’s what they are for, aren’t they?’ Victor replied easily. Yuuri sighed. He could already imagine the amount of gloating Phichit was going to do at being right about the book and the name tag.

 

‘So if you were not trying to kill me, does that mean you genuinely needed my help with the bag that night? And I just turned you down. God, I am so sorry,’ mortified, Yuuri covered his mouth with his hands and looked at Victor apologetically.

 

Victor laughed. He suddenly looked a little shy.

 

‘Needed no, since I could carry the bag by myself really. But I did want to talk to you more, and somehow decided that asking for your help was the way to do it. This was the reason I stopped at the supermarket on my way to Georgi’s also. I was passing by, and I wondered if you would be working that day, and I suddenly really wanted to see you. If I had known I would creep you out so much, I would have visited you at some other time,’ Victor smiled self-consciously and a faint blush appeared on his cheeks.

 

‘Oh,’ Yuuri simply said. Both feeling sufficiently foolish, they continued to sip their tea in silence until their mugs were empty.

 

‘I am sorry,’ Yuuri said at last.

 

Victor shook his head. ‘It’s okay. I am glad we get to meet for real and clear that up. It would be much more difficult to ask you out if you think I am going to kidnap or set you on fire or something.’

 

Yuuri’s cheeks reddened quickly at the implication and he stared down resolutely at his mug.

 

‘Yuuri, now that we know both sides of the story. Do you want to start over?’ Victor asked, his voice was confident but his hands were clenched, showing his nervousness.

 

‘Start over? No,’ Yuuri hastened to explain as Victor’s face fell. ‘I mean… I would like to see you again. Outside work,’ he mumbled the last part. ‘But I wouldn’t want us to start over. The start we have is a bit strange, but that’s fine, really.’

 

Also, it would be a funny ‘how I met my boyfriend’ story, but Yuuri kept that little thought to himself for now.

 

‘I see. Okay,’ Victor smiled widely and Yuuri had to look away. Note to self: Victor’s smile could blind like the afternoon sun if he really tried. Victor hopped off the kitchen stool excitedly. ‘Come, let’s go back to the party. I would like you to meet my friends.’

 

His own face breaking into a smile under Victor's contagious one, Yuuri took Victor’s outstretched arm to steady himself as he got off the stool. Together, they walked back to the sitting room.

 

* * *

 

Yuuri knew there was something he had forgotten. A puzzle still missing, an unexplained part of the story, a joke missing a punchline. And the penny finally dropped when he walked into the room.

 

Ah, so that’s what he did with them.

 

‘Victor, those balloons. They are condoms, aren’t they?’

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a Tumblr post I had in one of my blogs asking 'What three things would you buy to freak the cashier out the most'. I took some ideas from that post. I was actually so inspired that I wrote 5200 words (though they required heavy editing), which was the most I have ever written in one sitting.
> 
> This is just for fun, so don't take it too seriously! For example, I don't think most supermarkets would sell climbing ropes or lighter fluid.
> 
> Disclaimer: 
> 
> 1) Duct tape is apparently bad for dogs (according to the internet), so Victor was careful to hide the taped wires behind furniture/underneath rugs away from Makkachin. 
> 
> 2) Be careful when starting a fire in your backyard (or anywhere)! Lighter fluid is actually not required (in fact, from what I have read, it can be dangerous). Every kudo will get Chris and Victor a lesson on responsible fire safety. (Not really, but Victor does know better later when he goes camping with Mila one day).


End file.
